ihaveanameitsrick's Blog

I hope you all take a moment this holiday weekend to reflect upon the freedoms each and every one of you enjoys simply due to the good fortune of being born here in America.
 

This nation was conceived of and brought forth by a group of men believed in the equality of all men and they believed that all men yearn for freedom. Freedom from a government of tyranny and oppression. Sadly many of our politicians today on both sides of the aisle seem to have forgotten this basic fact.

I also hope you take a moment to consider the many men and women who have served and sometimes died while defending this great nation and your freedoms. They do this selflessly so that we may go about our lives in relative safety as compared to many other nations. Whether you agree with the current wars or not please give respect and honor to those valiant men and women. In my opinion they constitute the best and bravest among us.

I also hope you all have a safe and fun weekend. If you are traveling anywhere please be careful on the roads 30 million people plan to travel this weekend and they are all in a hurry, slow down and arrive alive, and PLEASE don't drive under the influence i am out here sharing the roads with everyone and i would hate to meet any of my EP friends by helping to drag them from a burning wreck.

I would like to finish up with a little poem....you all know it so repeat after me (you can leave out that one line if it offends you)

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under god
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.

Have a great holiday everyone! 

From consumated love
Is born a precious child
Whose tender peaceful life
Will soon become a trial

Dark shadows in the corner
Breed a childs fear of night
But monsters in the closet
Will fade with mornings light

As age and wisdom grow
Youthful fears will fade
Replaced by loved ones lost
And bills that must be paid

Old age brings painful joints
Grey hair and wrinkles too
And the fleeting thought of death
Begins the fear anew

We live our lives in fear
No matter what our age is
But when  we give in to our fears
We live our lives in cages 

am i invisible?

sometimes i feel that way

do people see right through me?

or do they never look my way?

  am i ugly?

sometimes i feel that way

do people see a man to fear?

or do they simply run away?

am i lonely?

i sometimes feel that way

alone inside my little world i never see you walk away

Thinking, i may walk away from EP. I'm starting to think perhaps in the long run i might be better off not being here. I'm sure there are several people who think EP would be better off without me as well LOL

I enjoy talking to my friends here and i enjoy the fun and games some of us have. However i am starting to realize something about myself and my activities on here. I enjoy talking about politics on occasion but i've started realizing that i really don't fit in here......or anywhere anymore when it comes to politics. I am an aging conservative who cares deeply about this country and i don't like the direction the country is headed. What i have come to realize is that the country is now controlled by the younger generation, a generation who seems to want a socialist form of government. This is their perogative they are the majority now they get to make the decisions. Unfortunately i find that when i see a discussion going on or i see something that irritates me i am incapable of ignoring it or not posting a story about the subject. Then i see the number of people who have this hatred of everything America has always stood for and i get terribly depressed because i see the country i love changing, and in my opinion the change is not for the better. Honestly i've been becoming more and more disheartened over the last few administrations, i honestly think they have been getting further and further from the America i love since Reagans term was over.

I have also come to the understanding that at my age and with my political leanings, my opinions simply don't matter anymore, no one cares what some old fart thinks about anything. If you don't know how to find a website that supports your opinions they don't matter, and if you do know where to find a website you are just told that it is a conservative website and biased (apparently their are political websites that have no bias LOL).

So since i cannot stay away from the political discussions, and since my opinions don't matter, and since i just keep getting more and more depressed, i am seriously considering leaving EP. This is not something i want to do but i'm starting to think that it would be best for my own mental health and it may even be best for EP. Its not like i've been all that active lately anyway as i really don't like all the changes EP has been making and i find the site a bit confusing now. I will make my decision over the weekend when i am at home and can think about it with a clear head since i don't get on here much when i'm home.

Earlier today i saw a post on another website that was basically bashing men for not wanting to stay with one woman. The quote the person used was the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." The woman went on to say that it could work both ways saying "why buy the pig when all you really want is a little sausage."

Oddly enough this was not what bugged me, the thing that bugged me was a comment a guy made saying that marriage was impractical in todays modern society, that it was an antiquated religious ritual that was outdated. He also said that men and women should be free to "love" anyone they choose.

First of all what this person describes is not love, it is simply animal lust, and while this can be fun i cannot see how anyone could possibly be fulfilled by this act for long.

Secondly my comment to him was that i disagreed with him. I feel that his statement makes all men look like a bunch of morons driven by animal instinct to spread their seed whenever and where ever they can find a willing partner. This makes us no more than animals. The truth is that what seperates us from the animals is our ability to control our urges. An animal see's wants and takes humans see, want, think of possible consequences and then act upon the input in a rational manner.

After leaving my wife for a couple of years i allowed myself to be driven by my urges and i hurt someone, but someone also hurt me (again) this is a vicious circle that can never end as long as we allow our baser instincts to control our thoughts. We as a civilization have allowed ourselves to be controlled by our id. Thus leading to more crime and more unwanted children, those unwanted children then become even more id driven and more criminal in behavior, i have seen this in my own family with my sister and one of her children.

I fear for the future, not because of "global warming" or any other made up concerns, i fear for what will happen to society in the near future. Look around you and you can see signs of the decay in civilization everywhere. Rampant crime, war, terrorism, more and more children that are unwanted and more and more hatred.

I hope i'm wrong.

The wheel of time turns, and ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the age that gave it birth comes again.

The author of these books titled The Wheel Of Time passed away in 2007 leaving the series unfinished. However the series final books will be written from notes that Mr. Robert Jordan had left behind and it will be written by an author he had personally picked as he knew he was dying and probably wouldn't live long enough to finish them.

Robert Jordan may you ride on the winds of time.

A stray bullet

And a babe lies dying in its crib

An execution

A 9 year old shot, in the back of his head

What did they do?

To deserve such a fate?

Their sin?

Was being born, in a world full of hate

kinda short i know

on friday september 11th i start my annual vacation to go fishing with the guys and i can't wait!!! we will be spending the entire week at one of the most peaceful and beautiful lakes in the lower half of the state of Michigan. Our days will consist mostly of fishing and our evenings will be filled with good food good booze and great conversation! We play poker and talk and solve the worlds problems on a nightly basis.

This years menu is quite varied the first night (weather permitting) we plan to have campfire pizzas on night 2 we are going to have a full roast beef dinner from the slow cooker, night 3 possibly an easy night either burgers or bratwurst, night 4 will be whichever one we don't have on night 3, night 5 will be the night one of the guys unfortunately has to leave so we are really going to do it up right and have a surf and turf dinner consisting of steaks and fish and portabello mushrooms and corn on the cob, nights 6 and 7 will be mostly leftovers finishing up whatever we didn't finish the first 5 nights. breakfasts most days will be done in the restaurant at the resort we go to and lunches will generally be either hotdogs or cold sandwiches.

now for the bar!!!! a tradition since i was a teenager (don't tell mom) is to take a bottle of apple barrel schnapps, we also take a bottle of black velvet and a new addition this year will be chivas regal scotch, along with the usual bottles and bottles of beer!!! most likely michelob light.

we will also be presenting a handcarved cane to my father to thank him for his service in the U.S. Army. he served to tours in vietnam and 17 years total in the army. this cane will be carved by one of the guys going with us and his father. i will be taking many pictures and posting them on here when we get back.

When i was 13 years old my parents divorced and for the most part my father was not interested in being a part of my life. Later that year i met Troy and he and i became friends and still are to this day some 30 years later. Troy's father John knew my father wasn't around and kind of took me under his wing and treated me almost like a member of his family. I learned a lot of things from John, i'm pretty sure i could do a passable job of roofing a house or putting siding on a house because of his teaching, but the most important thing he taught me was how to be a man. He taught me that being a man wasn't about who could beat up who, or who could get the most women, or who had the most money. He taught me that being a man was about honor and respect. Its about people being able to trust your word when you make a promise and its about treating others with respect. John taught me so many things over the years including caring about others even if you don't know them very well.

Sunday night John passed away from lung cancer he was 64 years old he was a good and honorable man and the world is a little worse for having lost him. To me he was both a friend and a mentor and i will miss his easy laughter and his guiding hand. Rest in peace John.

is dying.

My father left my mother and i when i was about 13 years old and my friends father stepped in to help out almost as a surrogate father. He was a huge positive influence in my life.

He is the man who started my interest in politics and yes he started me down the path of conservatism. At the time i was being raised by a single mother on welfare. He knew i needed money but rather than give me the money he would hire me occasionally when they needed some help on the jobsite. This way rather than learning to accept a handout i learned how to work for a living and the pride that goes along with that process.

He is one of the funniest and most caring people i know. It was rare for him to show emotion but you always knew he cared. I will miss his sense of humor most of all. It is an off color sense of humor (to say the least LOL). I remember years ago we were watching Wheel of Fortune waiting for the Pistons game to start. My friends mother and sister were talking about Vanna White saying they didn't understand what men saw in her.....he turned and looked his wife straight in the eye and said "I wouldn't throw her out of my bed.....unless she wanted to fuck in the floor!" The look on his wife and daughters face was priceless!!!  LOL

When he passes (the doctors say 3-9 months) he will be terribly missed.

There are 2 main things in life that scare the hell out of me. One as many of my friends know is talking to women in real life. I have no problems online but face to face scares the hell out of me.

The other thing i don't think i have shared on here before. It is something i try not to think about much but it was brought home tonight and i need to talk this out of my system or i'll never get to sleep.

My other fear is that i will die in my truck a long way from home and no one will find me for several days. Tonight i witnessed this happening. A man died in his truck here in Milton Pennsylvania i'm not sure what caused his death but i did hear the estimate of when he died. They say he probably died sometime early on friday morning he was found on monday night due to the odor coming from his truck and the flies on the screens he had placed in his windows. He had become so bloated they had to remove one of the seats from the cab to get him out of his truck. My friends i don't want to die like that.....alone and unknown.

a short poem.

For when they lay me in the ground

My headstone will proclaim

Here lies a big old truckdriver

But no one knows his name

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend which has become a weekend for parties and family cookouts here in America and this is all well and good, but i would like to ask you all to take a moment out of your weekend to pause and reflect upon the freedoms that we enjoy here that many other countries simply do not have. Then take a few moments to think about the brave men and women who have died protecting those freedoms we all enjoy, and if you are so inclined say a prayer for them and the families they have left behind.

As Americans we tend to take our freedoms for granted and we tend to forget the sacrifices that have been made for our benefit. Whether that sacrifice is being seperated from family and friends for months at a time or the ultimate sacrifice of giving ones life to defend ones country it is still a sacrifice and one that in this country is given willingly. Our military is the strongest in the world for many reasons but the major factor in my opinion is that our military is an all volunteer force. No one in America is forced to serve they CHOOSE to defend our nation and our freedoms and for this we owe them all a huge debt!

So i don't think it is asking a lot to take 5 minutes out of your day to think about them and if you should see a man or woman in uniform take a moment to thank them for their service for without them and those like them down through the years this great nation....would not exist.

I just wish i had better words to say this, i have never been real good at getting my point across in a coherent manner.

THANK YOU TO ALL THE CURRENT AND FORMER MEMBERS OF THE UNITED STATES MILITARY BOTH LIVING AND DEAD FOR THE CONTRIBUTIONS AND THE SACRIFICES YOU HAVE MADE TO THIS GREAT NATION IN THE DEFENSE OF LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS FOR ALL AMERICANS!

usually bright sunny days like this tend to cheer me up but today....nothing seems to get me out of my doldrums. today i'm just in a crappy mood, not really depressed just down, down in the dumps a little. i'm not getting any miles this week so i won't be making much money and that doesn't help but that isn't all it is, honestly not sure why i feel this way.

i thought maybe writing about it might help but this has really just made it worse because now i feel kinda stupid on top of it, how can someone feel this shitty and not know why?

oh well guess i'll sign off for a bit and maybe take a nap maybe that will help

I've been trying to come up with something worth saying for the last couple of weeks that wouldn't make people mad. It seems lately that the only things on my mind are sex and politics and both subjects tend to get me in trouble LOL

The political stuff on my mind is NOT about politicians or Obama its actually about music and musicians and also about actors and actresses. My personal opinion is that these people need to keep their opinions to themselves as most (not all of course) are morons. The hollywood people think because they make a movie dealing with a subject that makes them an expert on the subject and the scary part is that sometimes our genius congressmen have in the past let them testify as "expert" witnesses LOL

As far as the musicians go i have to laugh at the hypocrisy of some of them. A good example is a band called System of a Down. They are a very popular heavy metal band who has made millions singing songs they have written decrying capitalism. These hypocrites have become millionaires by using th capitalist system to perfection but they of course hate everything it stands for.....if that were true they would be giving their cd's away for free or possibly in trade for goods and services they needed and the same goes for their concerts but they were one of the major artists involved in the fight against downloading music on the internet from free sites LOL

Another artist that irritated me was The Dixie Chicks. Not so much because of what they said about the president they have every right to their opinion and every right to voice that opinion. No what astounded me about them was that they had the nerve to become very upset when fans in turn voiced their collective opinion of what the band had said by staying away from their concerts and not buying their cd's. It seems these idiots thought that they were allowed their opinion but all the little people who bought their cd's and made them rich should just shut the hell up and accept whatever they felt like saying.

I know most of you out there hate Rush Limbaugh with a passion but he used to say something that i thought made a lot of sense......"words mean things" he would explain that to mean that when someone says something it is or should be what they truly believe and they should be willing to accept the consequences of saying those words. If if is not what they truly believe then they are just liars and are not worth listening to about anything as they will say whatever they feel is most likely to benefit them whether through publicity or public opinion.

Here endeth the rambling for today.

that some people had trouble with the link i sent in my mass greeting card asking you all to vote for Kiss to play a concert in my hometown so here is how to get there....go to eventful.com you will see on the right side of the screen the words demand events, click on that and it will bring up another screen again on the right side down just a little from the top there is a box marked search type Kiss in the box and click demand, that should bring up the demand screen underneath whatever city is first it will say change location click on that and put in either Saginaw,MI or just the zip code which is 48602 i would really appreciate any votes i can get and if you really want to help me out pass this on to other friends for me. i don't win anything other than the chance to see my favorite band without having to drive 100 or more miles i would still have to buy a ticket just like everyone else just saves me some gas and it would give me the pride of knowing that i had something to do with them playing in my hometown. thanks for your help!

when nothing makes me happy

when there's nothing left to gain

when i've nothing left to care about

when nothing soothes the pain

when i can't pay my bills

and my teardrops fall like rain

i will turn and walk away

i will hang my head in shame

when i cannot support myself

i will not stand in line

i won't make others pay my way

on that day i die

This is a long story. Its hard to believe what has changed in my life in just a little over a year. November 2007 on Thanksgiving Day (a major holiday here in the U.S.) i found out that my wife was cheating on me, i became very angry and then very depressed culminating in first a threat of suicide which landed me in the emergency room for a half a day and then a week later an actual attempt at suicide which landed me in a mental hospital for 5 days. I was released from the hospital on December 19th and found out that day that i could not return to work until cleared by my company's doctor. While waiting for that approval i filed for bankruptcy due to my wife's extravagant spending i was nearly $100,000 in debt and had no hope of paying it off with or without a job. Just to add to the fun on the day after Christmas someone hit my parked car and totalled my car.

Oddly enough though i had reasonably high hopes that once the bankruptcy and the divorce were settled that i would be doing pretty well. I knew i would get back to work eventually and be making about $50,000 a year and living as a single man. I would have very few bills and i had hopes that i could perhaps do what i had always wanted to do and travel. I wanted to see the world!

I did get back to work though it took almost 3 months and my bankruptcy was settled just a few months later but....thats when things started going downhill. The economy took a serious turn for the worse my pay started dropping rapidly. So much so that i still haven't been able to save up the $800 i need to start my divorce. Traveling the world is never to be it seems. I so wanted to see Great Britain, Ireland, Germany possibly France, Australia, New Zealand, Egypt, Japan, Greece, Russia, the Scandinavian countries (Finland Norway and Sweden) and Brazil (for Carnival) i wanted to go on an african safari and i wanted to visit the only state in the U.S. that i have not been to Alaska. I see now that this will never happen. I don't see the economy ever getting that good again (and no this is not a slam at Obama) and i don't foresee ever getting the kind of miles i used to get as the trucking industry as a whole is changing and will never see the kind of miles i used to drive in a week.

Today my hope is that i can get to a point where taking a short week long summer or fall fishing trip won't be a major concern that i will be able to afford such a trip without being overly concerned about eating the next week.

Ok i'm done whining now and yes i know many people are much worse off than i am but that doesn't make it feel any better.